OT: Dad Joke Thread....

[dadevike]

Got to break this one out today

There was this dyslexic agnostic amnesiac that lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

minor correction: instead of amnesiac (someone who lost his memory) use insomniac (someone who lays awake - has trouble sleeping). But funny joke nonetheless.

[greediron]

minor correction: instead of amnesiac (someone who lost his memory) use insomniac (someone who lays awake - has trouble sleeping). But funny joke nonetheless.

Ok, I am the amnesiac and you are 100% correct.

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I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.

Haha, I like those.

[purplefaithful]

Wife told me to add ketchup to the grocery list...Now I can't read the damn thing

"Honey, have you seen the dog bowl?"
I didnt know the dog could bowl?!

[comet52]

I don't know if this is a dad joke but I'll tell it anyway.

When I die, I want the Vikings to be my pallbearers. That way they can let me down one last time.

And btw, I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like his passengers.

[JimmyinSD]

What do you get when you cross an angry sheep with an angry cow?

An animal in a baaaad moood

[Still Hurtn]

Did you hear an Australian bank just gave a car loan to an animal? Apparently the animal was already Koalafied

[Montana Tom]

Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands? Cuz they're extinct

I gave my handyman a to-do list, but he only did jobs 1, 3, and 5. Turns out he only does odd jobs.

Can a frog jump higher than a house? Of course, a house can't jump.