OT: Losing a parent and other Minnesota thoughts
Gang, I just got back from Minnesota, where we buried my nearly 96-year old Mom.
She lived at home until last November, when her increasing frailty and loss of balance caused a fall that sent her to long-term care, where she passed on the morning of July 4th. The Trophy Wife and I were in Minnesota last year at this time for a family reunion, and she was up past midnight cooking and baking for the reunion (typical of my Mom), and then she was up before us. My wife always said that she couldn't keep up with my Mom, until Mom turned 80.
Keeping a garden, always baking and cooking, staying active. We attributed her long life to that.
She also mellowed with age. She could not remember profanity flowing out of her mouth when me and my siblings were young. Six kids in the house is enough to stress out anyone, especially combined with the strict religious environment we lived in. But after my Dad passed, and other events, she became far less religious and far more spiritual and understanding. I learned late in life that my Mom had a calm wisdom about her that was always there...you just had to ask.
Yes it was bittersweet. Losing one's Mom (lost my Dad 33 years ago), is tough. I used to call her once or twice a week, usually as I was driving to or from town, and had some non-distracted time to catch up. The weather in Minnesota was always worse or better, never just okay. Twice this week, that thought of "I should call Mom and check in" came through my head subconsciously, out of habit as I was driving. I shake my head each time as I realize that's no longer an option.
My three brothers and I spent most of five days going through old photos, cleaning out a household that had collected "stuff" for many years. My younger brother, the only one left in Minnesota and who dealt with most of the care and legal details, learned that for the last 40-50 years, she had saved EVERY single card, thank you, flower greeting and so forth. In some ways, he said she was a packrat, but not a hoarder. She saved those personal memories...every damn one of them.
Family flew in from California, Oregon, Colorado. Many more had been there last September for her 95th birthday party. I had well over a half dozen high school classmates (out of a fairly small high school), that came to the wake, the funeral and the burial at Ft. Snelling (where my Dad, Godfather and Sister are all buried).
I was able to reflect as I left my native hometown for what I expect to be the last time. There is no reason for me to ever return to that little town 27 miles West of Chaska. It's a chapter closed.
Minnesota will forever be in my blood, but dangit, I was sure glad to land on the ground back in Montana.
Please God, just one Lombardi before I die.
Hey Bigsky... good to hear from you. Sorry to hear about your loss, she sounds like a very special woman. I too use my trips home to talk with my mother and will most certainly miss those little chats over my evening commute. Thinking about your situation though, keep using that time to talk with her, I am sure she is still listening, and although you will likely have to listen harder now, she will still be talking to you. Peace brother.
I am very sorry for your loss. I love that you found out that she saved all the things from the kids. Moms are sentimental like that. Sending positive and healing vibes. Love and light. May you find comfort in the memories you carry. She will always be in your heart. She lived a long life and it sounds like she impacted a lot of people. Be well and take care of you.
Sorry for your loss.Your comment on thinking you should call i remember well.Hard reality to accept.
So sorry to hear of your loss Tom. 96 is a damn fine age and the midwest sure grows em tough. Thank you for sharing your memories of her. May seem strange but I enjoy reading about people like her that outlive so many and the personal memories you shared of her.
My grandma lived to be 95. My wife's 1 grandma was 98 and her other is still alive at 101. Amazing. My mom is 85 and still out on the ranch with dad and running the house and helping with the ranch on occasion. These women amaze me.
@"JimmyinSD" said: Hey Bigsky... good to hear from you. Sorry to hear about your loss, she sounds like a very special woman. I too use my trips home to talk with my mother and will most certainly miss those little chats over my evening commute. Thinking about your situation though, keep using that time to talk with her, I am sure she is still listening, and although you will likely have to listen harder now, she will still be talking to you. Peace brother.
Good advice and well put Jimmy!
Tom, sorry about your loss. My dad passed away at 97 a couple years ago and I miss him. In fact I miss all the older folks that I have met in my life. Would love to be able to talk to them again.
Condolences. Been through that also with my brothers.
miss having them to talk to / give advice.
For me just about the time I started soliciting advice, they weren't there anymore.
Hang tough Tom
@"Vanguard83" said: Condolences. Been through that also with my brothers. miss having them to talk to / give advice.For me just about the time I started soliciting advice, they weren't there anymore.
Hang tough Tom
Funny how long it takes us to realize the wisdom of others. Usually just in time to miss it.
I started going through stories my dad has written down from the older people he knew back when he was much younger. Sort of a a rough history of western ND through the eyes of some of the interesting characters. I am typing these out for my dad as he has been writing them down. I have really enjoyed reading them. Some I heard as stories when I was young, others I only recognize a name here and there. But a good experience for sure.
@"greediron" said:@"Vanguard83" said: Condolences. Been through that also with my brothers. miss having them to talk to / give advice.For me just about the time I started soliciting advice, they weren't there anymore.
Hang tough Tom
Funny how long it takes us to realize the wisdom of others. Usually just in time to miss it.I started going through stories my dad has written down from the older people he knew back when he was much younger. Sort of a a rough history of western ND through the eyes of some of the interesting characters. I am typing these out for my dad as he has been writing them down. I have really enjoyed reading them. Some I heard as stories when I was young, others I only recognize a name here and there. But a good experience for sure.
That is such a great idea, Greed. I am now regretting not doing the same thing while my grandma was still alive...well, both of my grandmas actually. My dad's mom just passed in November at age 101. My mom's mom lived to age 92. They had stories to share that now make me yearn to live "back in the day." When I was younger all I could imagine is how hard their lives were...but with age comes wisdom and physical labor being replaced by modern conveniences doesn't make life easier. I miss my grandparents, great aunts and uncles...I spent a lot of time with them as a child and they helped raise me for sure. There aren't many days that go by that I don't think about them in some way or another...via a song heard, a memory from a place visited, a smell, a TV show, a favorite recipe....
Tom, I am sorry to hear of your loss. I can only imagine how hard it is going to be getting used to not making that phone call. But, as Jimmy said, I'm pretty sure she'll still be listening. Take care and please accept my condolences, and thank you for sharing the story of your mother with us. It is clear she was a special lady :)
@"prairieghost" said:@"greediron" said:@"Vanguard83" said: Condolences. Been through that also with my brothers. miss having them to talk to / give advice.For me just about the time I started soliciting advice, they weren't there anymore.
Hang tough Tom
Funny how long it takes us to realize the wisdom of others. Usually just in time to miss it.I started going through stories my dad has written down from the older people he knew back when he was much younger. Sort of a a rough history of western ND through the eyes of some of the interesting characters. I am typing these out for my dad as he has been writing them down. I have really enjoyed reading them. Some I heard as stories when I was young, others I only recognize a name here and there. But a good experience for sure.
That is such a great idea, Greed. I am now regretting not doing the same thing while my grandma was still alive...well, both of my grandmas actually. My dad's mom just passed in November at age 101. My mom's mom lived to age 92. They had stories to share that now make me yearn to live "back in the day." When I was younger all I could imagine is how hard their lives were...but with age comes wisdom and physical labor being replaced by modern conveniences doesn't make life easier. I miss my grandparents, great aunts and uncles...I spent a lot of time with them as a child and they helped raise me for sure. There aren't many days that go by that I don't think about them in some way or another...via a song heard, a memory from a place visited, a smell, a TV show, a favorite recipe....
Tom, I am sorry to hear of your loss. I can only imagine how hard it is going to be getting used to not making that phone call. But, as Jimmy said, I'm pretty sure she'll still be listening. Take care and please accept my condolences, and thank you for sharing the story of your mother with us. It is clear she was a special lady :)
Initially I did it more as a favor. My dad was asking if he could pay some of my kids to do it, or was going to ask a cousin. I figured I may as well as a favor. Then I really started enjoying going through them.Great thread Tom. Will be up near your neck of the woods this weekend.
@"greediron" said:@"Vanguard83" said: Condolences. Been through that also with my brothers. miss having them to talk to / give advice.For me just about the time I started soliciting advice, they weren't there anymore.
Hang tough Tom
Funny how long it takes us to realize the wisdom of others. Usually just in time to miss it.I started going through stories my dad has written down from the older people he knew back when he was much younger. Sort of a a rough history of western ND through the eyes of some of the interesting characters. I am typing these out for my dad as he has been writing them down. I have really enjoyed reading them. Some I heard as stories when I was young, others I only recognize a name here and there. But a good experience for sure.
I wish I had done that with my Grandpa. His were a little different though as he was a Merrills Marrauder in WW2 and I learned after his death from my mom that those stories he shared with me, he never shared those with his wife or kids. That group of Americans were special and I wish I had taken the time to get his personal recollections saved so I could have shared some of them. We used to sit by the fire, sit in the boat fishing, or just sit at the morning table and smoke... we wouldnt really talk to much about anything of substance, the weather, fishing or whatever, but once in a while Grandpa would just start in on one of his war stories and I was riveted.
@"greediron" said:@"Vanguard83" said: Condolences. Been through that also with my brothers. miss having them to talk to / give advice.For me just about the time I started soliciting advice, they weren't there anymore.
Hang tough Tom
Funny how long it takes us to realize the wisdom of others. Usually just in time to miss it.I started going through stories my dad has written down from the older people he knew back when he was much younger. Sort of a a rough history of western ND through the eyes of some of the interesting characters. I am typing these out for my dad as he has been writing them down. I have really enjoyed reading them. Some I heard as stories when I was young, others I only recognize a name here and there. But a good experience for sure.
It's a great way to keep the history alive. I am doing this for my mom and aunt right now. I am either writing it as they tell it or video them as they tell it. Sometimes both. I did this for my grandmas as well. Future generations will appreciate and benefit from your efforts. I am learning a great deal.
@"JimmyinSD" said:@"greediron" said:@"Vanguard83" said: Condolences. Been through that also with my brothers. miss having them to talk to / give advice.For me just about the time I started soliciting advice, they weren't there anymore.
Hang tough Tom
Funny how long it takes us to realize the wisdom of others. Usually just in time to miss it.I started going through stories my dad has written down from the older people he knew back when he was much younger. Sort of a a rough history of western ND through the eyes of some of the interesting characters. I am typing these out for my dad as he has been writing them down. I have really enjoyed reading them. Some I heard as stories when I was young, others I only recognize a name here and there. But a good experience for sure.
I wish I had done that with my Grandpa. His were a little different though as he was a Merrills Marrauder in WW2 and I learned after his death from my mom that those stories he shared with me, he never shared those with his wife or kids. That group of Americans were special and I wish I had taken the time to get his personal recollections saved so I could have shared some of them. We used to sit by the fire, sit in the boat fishing, or just sit at the morning table and smoke... we wouldnt really talk to much about anything of substance, the weather, fishing or whatever, but once in a while Grandpa would just start in on one of his war stories and I was riveted.
Wow! That would have been pretty cool to hear. Would have been great to record them for sure. Some of the stories my dad wrote down were from my grandpa's friend/neighbors. So some hearken back to stories I remember my grandpa telling.
@"greediron" said:@"JimmyinSD" said:@"greediron" said:@"Vanguard83" said: Condolences. Been through that also with my brothers. miss having them to talk to / give advice.For me just about the time I started soliciting advice, they weren't there anymore.
Hang tough Tom
Funny how long it takes us to realize the wisdom of others. Usually just in time to miss it.I started going through stories my dad has written down from the older people he knew back when he was much younger. Sort of a a rough history of western ND through the eyes of some of the interesting characters. I am typing these out for my dad as he has been writing them down. I have really enjoyed reading them. Some I heard as stories when I was young, others I only recognize a name here and there. But a good experience for sure.
I wish I had done that with my Grandpa. His were a little different though as he was a Merrills Marrauder in WW2 and I learned after his death from my mom that those stories he shared with me, he never shared those with his wife or kids. That group of Americans were special and I wish I had taken the time to get his personal recollections saved so I could have shared some of them. We used to sit by the fire, sit in the boat fishing, or just sit at the morning table and smoke... we wouldnt really talk to much about anything of substance, the weather, fishing or whatever, but once in a while Grandpa would just start in on one of his war stories and I was riveted.
Wow! That would have been pretty cool to hear. Would have been great to record them for sure. Some of the stories my dad wrote down were from my grandpa's friend/neighbors. So some hearken back to stories I remember my grandpa telling.
some of them fill you with patriotism... real mel gibson should have made movie type stuff, these guys were a pretty bad ass unit before our military was creating bad ass units. some of it was really screwed up though, the shit that would make you question the existence of God wondering how humans could do such things to other humans. (neither side was immune from scrutiny in this ) however war sometimes will dehumanize its participants at times.
@"Vikergirl" said:@"greediron" said:@"Vanguard83" said: Condolences. Been through that also with my brothers. miss having them to talk to / give advice.For me just about the time I started soliciting advice, they weren't there anymore.
Hang tough Tom
Funny how long it takes us to realize the wisdom of others. Usually just in time to miss it.I started going through stories my dad has written down from the older people he knew back when he was much younger. Sort of a a rough history of western ND through the eyes of some of the interesting characters. I am typing these out for my dad as he has been writing them down. I have really enjoyed reading them. Some I heard as stories when I was young, others I only recognize a name here and there. But a good experience for sure.
It's a great way to keep the history alive. I am doing this for my mom and aunt right now. I am either writing it as they tell it or video them as they tell it. Sometimes both. I did this for my grandmas as well. Future generations will appreciate and benefit from your efforts. I am learning a great deal.
even if future generations don't appreciate it, like you, I am learning a great deal. It gives more connection to when I am visiting with some of the older ranchers out there.
@"greediron" said:@"Vikergirl" said:@"greediron" said:@"Vanguard83" said: Condolences. Been through that also with my brothers. miss having them to talk to / give advice.For me just about the time I started soliciting advice, they weren't there anymore.
Hang tough Tom
Funny how long it takes us to realize the wisdom of others. Usually just in time to miss it.I started going through stories my dad has written down from the older people he knew back when he was much younger. Sort of a a rough history of western ND through the eyes of some of the interesting characters. I am typing these out for my dad as he has been writing them down. I have really enjoyed reading them. Some I heard as stories when I was young, others I only recognize a name here and there. But a good experience for sure.
It's a great way to keep the history alive. I am doing this for my mom and aunt right now. I am either writing it as they tell it or video them as they tell it. Sometimes both. I did this for my grandmas as well. Future generations will appreciate and benefit from your efforts. I am learning a great deal.
even if future generations don't appreciate it, like you, I am learning a great deal. It gives more connection to when I am visiting with some of the older ranchers out there.
True that. But that's part of why I am using technology to enhance the details and make it accessible for the younger people. It was interesting to see my son hearing the stories about my mom and her family working in the fields. My mom was picking cotton as a kid. That's humbling to hear and a reminder of the sacrifices made in order for future generations to thrive. I was organizing my aunt's papers and found a trunk full of 1950's memorabilia. She organized things by decade so it has been fun. It's like a treasure hunt.
currently boarding a flight back to mn for a funeral for my uncle. life long viking fan. my dad is now the oldest in our branch still alive.........then me.......im the oldest of all the cousins. time flys so damn fast.
sorry for your loss. will keep you in our prayers.
Tom, I enjoyed learning about your family. Good memories.
Much Peace.
Very sorry for your loss, Tom. My mom was very sick all of 2017 and past a couple days after the last Thanksgiving. We knew it was coming, but it still hurt. She's in my heart and is with me every day. I expect you'll feel the same way. Your mom sounded like a very sweet lady. She'll always be with you. You have my condolences through this difficult time.
Take care - Tim
@"JimmyinSD" said:@"greediron" said:@"Vanguard83" said: Condolences. Been through that also with my brothers. miss having them to talk to / give advice.For me just about the time I started soliciting advice, they weren't there anymore.
Hang tough Tom
Funny how long it takes us to realize the wisdom of others. Usually just in time to miss it.I started going through stories my dad has written down from the older people he knew back when he was much younger. Sort of a a rough history of western ND through the eyes of some of the interesting characters. I am typing these out for my dad as he has been writing them down. I have really enjoyed reading them. Some I heard as stories when I was young, others I only recognize a name here and there. But a good experience for sure.
I wish I had done that with my Grandpa. His were a little different though as he was a Merrills Marrauder in WW2 and I learned after his death from my mom that those stories he shared with me, he never shared those with his wife or kids. That group of Americans were special and I wish I had taken the time to get his personal recollections saved so I could have shared some of them. We used to sit by the fire, sit in the boat fishing, or just sit at the morning table and smoke... we wouldnt really talk to much about anything of substance, the weather, fishing or whatever, but once in a while Grandpa would just start in on one of his war stories and I was riveted.
My dad and uncle were WWII veterans as well. I think what you saw was the don't bring the war home effect many had. Then as they got older the finality of their lives set in. They felt the need to share their story while they had time. My dad and uncle were in the Pacific Theatre. Merrill's Marrauders were bad@ss. They went deep into enemy territory unsupported. Your grandpa was in special company. That war was a real dark time in humanity. Thank God the good guys won.
Edit Post (mod action — author will see a notice)
Warn Poster
Suspend User (3 days)
The user will be suspended for 3 days and will receive an email with the reason and information about how to appeal.