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Some real Viking news. Two Coke Cans Kalil getting divorced

AGRforever
Joined Sep 2014
933 posts
Rep: 772

Talk about a gift and a curse -- Sports Illustrated model and influencer Haley Kalil is opening up on what led to her divorce from NFL player Matt Kalil ... saying his size caused a serious issue in their sex life.

Kalil -- who got divorced from the former Pro Bowler in 2022 -- shared the intimate details on a stream with Marlon Garcia.

(more....a lot more at the link)

https://www.tmz.com/2025/11/05/haley-matt-kalil-sex-life-caused-divorce-nfl/

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#1 · Nov 5, 11:44 AM
purplefaithful
Joined May 2013
9,826 posts
Rep: 6,749

Cardi B on line 2...

Hurry-up Vikings, we ain't getting any younger! 

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#2 · Nov 5, 11:49 AM CT
badgervike
Joined Jan 2014
905 posts
Rep: 1,060
purplefaithful wrote:
Cardi B on line 2...

The entire Kardashian family on line 3..

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#3 · Nov 5, 11:52 AM CT
IceRatz16
Joined Dec 2016
437 posts
Rep: 593

Haha...hilarious..."probably 3 Coke cans..."  Holy hell, man!

Couldn't he have used that to his advantage in blocking for his teammates?

No wonder why he was so soft...

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#4 · Nov 5, 12:29 PM CT
StickierBuns
Joined May 2013
10,525 posts
Rep: 2,747

Well....when your wife weighs 90 lbs and your packing in the top .01% of the male population, yeah....muscle relaxants and salad tongs won't help. Matt the Impaler indeed.

'Lizzo is on Line 1, Mr. Kalil.'

edited Nov 5, 2025 5:49 PM CT
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#5 · Nov 5, 5:48 PM CT
medaille
Joined Mar 2014
1,098 posts
Rep: 1,359

It's probably more likely that as part of their divorce settlement, he had her say that to get some more cash, but maybe...

The largest human penis ever measured in the entire world was about exactly "2.8 Coke Cans" in size (1 can in girth).

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#6 · Nov 5, 7:00 PM CT
HO
Joined Apr 2024
583 posts
Rep: 691
medaille wrote:
It's probably more likely that as part of their divorce settlement, he had her say that to get some more cash, but maybe...

The largest human penis ever measured in the entire world was about exactly "2.8 Coke Cans" in size (1 can in girth).


I'm sure coke cans are used as the universal worldwide measurement standard!
You do realize babies pass through there. It's an amazingly accommodating organ.

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#7 · Nov 5, 10:06 PM CT
JimmyinSD
JimmyinSD
Admin
Joined May 2013
2,398 posts
Rep: 2,273

Story seems fishy,  maybe they waited for marriage,  but after dating and then marriage the size was suddenly to much to continue on with?  Don't care either way,  but sounded like a shock value attention grab bit.

Why isn't Chuck Foreman in the Hall of Fame?

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#8 · Nov 6, 6:15 AM CT
AGRforever
Joined Sep 2014
933 posts
Rep: 772
medaille wrote:
It's probably more likely that as part of their divorce settlement, he had her say that to get some more cash, but maybe...

The largest human penis ever measured in the entire world was about exactly "2.8 Coke Cans" in size (1 can in girth).

I bet that was a strange google inquiry for your history lol

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#9 · Nov 6, 7:47 AM CT
SA
Joined May 2013
183 posts
Rep: 125
JimmyinSD wrote:
Story seems fishy,  maybe they waited for marriage,  but after dating and then marriage the size was suddenly to much to continue on with?  Don't care either way,  but sounded like a shock value attention grab bit.

Smells fishy.

Kalil's troubles with defensive ends continue.

Should have been a perfect pairing, as both unable to handle gap penetrators.

edited Nov 6, 2025 8:04 AM CT
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#10 · Nov 6, 7:58 AM CT
MaroonBells
Joined Jan 2014
5,445 posts
Rep: 5,985
medaille wrote:
It's probably more likely that as part of their divorce settlement, he had her say that to get some more cash, but maybe...

The largest human penis ever measured in the entire world was about exactly "2.8 Coke Cans" in size (1 can in girth).

"The point of modern propaganda isn't only to misinform or push an agenda. It is to exhaust your critical thinking, to annihilate truth."  —Garry Kasparov

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#11 · Nov 6, 8:08 AM CT
SA
Joined May 2013
183 posts
Rep: 125
medaille wrote:
It's probably more likely that as part of their divorce settlement, he had her say that to get some more cash, but maybe...

The largest human penis ever measured in the entire world was about exactly "2.8 Coke Cans" in size (1 can in girth).

Not to brag, but I can cover 3 coke cans

Liked:
#12 · Nov 6, 8:19 AM CT
SA
Joined May 2013
183 posts
Rep: 125

AGRforever wrote:

Talk about a gift and a curse -- Sports Illustrated model and influencer Haley Kalil is opening up on what led to her divorce from NFL player Matt Kalil ... saying his size caused a serious issue in their sex life.
Kalil -- who got divorced from the former Pro Bowler in 2022 -- shared the intimate details on a stream with Marlon Garcia.
(more....a lot more at the link)
https://www.tmz.com/2025/11/05/haley-matt-kalil-sex-life-caused-divorce-nfl/

Turns out, Haley a better blocker, than Matt.

https://www.tmz.com/2026/09/17/haley-kalil-lawsuit-dismissed/

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#13 · Sep 18, 10:59 PM CT
SA
Joined May 2013
183 posts
Rep: 125

I miss NibeLungen.

He’d have this thread at page 30, before lunch.

edited Sep 18, 2026 11:15 PM CT
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#14 · Sep 18, 11:07 PM CT
AGRforever
Joined Sep 2014
933 posts
Rep: 772

savannahskol wrote:

Turns out, Haley a better blocker, than Matt.
https://www.tmz.com/2026/09/17/haley-kalil-lawsuit-dismissed/

I’d guess there’s worse things to be know for then “Two Coke cans Kalil”

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#15 · Sep 19, 6:05 AM CT
KM
Joined Sep 2017
125 posts
Rep: 155

Why would he sue over this. Ok you are well endowed down below, you are a big human anyways. I’m sure she exaggerated but claiming he was harmed by this is dumb.

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#16 · Sep 19, 6:35 AM CT
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