Forum The Longship Some real Viking news. Two Coke Cans Kalil gettin...

Some real Viking news. Two Coke Cans Kalil getting divorced

AGRforever
Joined Sep 2014
832 posts
Rep: 668

Talk about a gift and a curse -- Sports Illustrated model and influencer Haley Kalil is opening up on what led to her divorce from NFL player Matt Kalil ... saying his size caused a serious issue in their sex life.

Kalil -- who got divorced from the former Pro Bowler in 2022 -- shared the intimate details on a stream with Marlon Garcia.

(more....a lot more at the link)

https://www.tmz.com/2025/11/05/haley-matt-kalil-sex-life-caused-divorce-nfl/

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#1 · Nov 5, 11:44 AM
purplefaithful
Joined May 2013
8,290 posts
Rep: 4,885

Cardi B on line 2...

Hurry-up Vikings, we ain't getting any younger! 

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#2 · Nov 5, 11:49 AM CT
badgervike
Joined Jan 2014
788 posts
Rep: 878
purplefaithful wrote:
Cardi B on line 2...

The entire Kardashian family on line 3..

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#3 · Nov 5, 11:52 AM CT
IceRatz16
Joined Dec 2016
225 posts
Rep: 318

Haha...hilarious..."probably 3 Coke cans..."  Holy hell, man!

Couldn't he have used that to his advantage in blocking for his teammates?

No wonder why he was so soft...

Liked:
#4 · Nov 5, 12:29 PM CT
StickierBuns
Joined May 2013
9,018 posts
Rep: 862

Well....when your wife weighs 90 lbs and your packing in the top .01% of the male population, yeah....muscle relaxants and salad tongs won't help. Matt the Impaler indeed.

'Lizzo is on Line 1, Mr. Kalil.'

edited Nov 5, 2025 5:49 PM CT
Liked:
#5 · Nov 5, 5:48 PM CT
medaille
Joined Mar 2014
827 posts
Rep: 1,026

It's probably more likely that as part of their divorce settlement, he had her say that to get some more cash, but maybe...

The largest human penis ever measured in the entire world was about exactly "2.8 Coke Cans" in size (1 can in girth).

Liked:
#6 · Nov 5, 7:00 PM CT
HO
Joined Apr 2024
449 posts
Rep: 516
medaille wrote:
It's probably more likely that as part of their divorce settlement, he had her say that to get some more cash, but maybe...

The largest human penis ever measured in the entire world was about exactly "2.8 Coke Cans" in size (1 can in girth).


I'm sure coke cans are used as the universal worldwide measurement standard!
You do realize babies pass through there. It's an amazingly accommodating organ.

Liked:
#7 · Nov 5, 10:06 PM CT
JimmyinSD
JimmyinSD
Admin
Joined May 2013
2,191 posts
Rep: 2,041

Story seems fishy,  maybe they waited for marriage,  but after dating and then marriage the size was suddenly to much to continue on with?  Don't care either way,  but sounded like a shock value attention grab bit.

Why isn't Chuck Foreman in the Hall of Fame?

Liked:
#8 · Nov 6, 6:15 AM CT
AGRforever
Joined Sep 2014
832 posts
Rep: 668
medaille wrote:
It's probably more likely that as part of their divorce settlement, he had her say that to get some more cash, but maybe...

The largest human penis ever measured in the entire world was about exactly "2.8 Coke Cans" in size (1 can in girth).

I bet that was a strange google inquiry for your history lol

Liked:
#9 · Nov 6, 7:47 AM CT
SA
Joined May 2013
149 posts
Rep: 105
JimmyinSD wrote:
Story seems fishy,  maybe they waited for marriage,  but after dating and then marriage the size was suddenly to much to continue on with?  Don't care either way,  but sounded like a shock value attention grab bit.

Smells fishy.

Kalil's troubles with defensive ends continue.

Should have been a perfect pairing, as both unable to handle gap penetrators.

edited Nov 6, 2025 8:04 AM CT
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#10 · Nov 6, 7:58 AM CT
MaroonBells
Joined Jan 2014
4,729 posts
Rep: 4,984
medaille wrote:
It's probably more likely that as part of their divorce settlement, he had her say that to get some more cash, but maybe...

The largest human penis ever measured in the entire world was about exactly "2.8 Coke Cans" in size (1 can in girth).

"The further a society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate those who speak it”

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#11 · Nov 6, 8:08 AM CT
SA
Joined May 2013
149 posts
Rep: 105
medaille wrote:
It's probably more likely that as part of their divorce settlement, he had her say that to get some more cash, but maybe...

The largest human penis ever measured in the entire world was about exactly "2.8 Coke Cans" in size (1 can in girth).

Not to brag, but I can cover 3 coke cans

Liked:
#12 · Nov 6, 8:19 AM CT
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